A Weighty Issue

I can't lie to myself, I've had weight issues my entire life. I can remember as early as 1st grade feeling fat and not cute. My parents never said anything about my weight, and always told me I was pretty. My classmates always made me feel less than pretty. I was never fat, maybe a bit rounded around the edges, but I felt FAT.

The only time I didn't feel fat was during my freshman year and part of my sophomore year of college. I lost weight instead of gaining it like everyone else. The only thing is I lost it in very unhealthy ways (skipping class to work out multiple times a day, unhealthfully counting calories, only eating once a day). I remember going back to work at camp Summer 2004 and being complimented on the weight I had lost by former staffers and campers. I felt so GOOD and kept up that unhealthy lifestyle.

Then depression hit and the weight came back with a vengence...It just kept creeping up and piling on my small frame. I kept struggling with self-esteem.

Cut to last August (the one in 08), with a doc's urging and my own realization that I was obese by BMI standards I joined a gym. It took me about 2 months to lose 5 pounds, even with a trainer. I went back to the doc and found out my hormones were out of whack (because of the weight) and that was making it almost impossible to lose the weight. I started out some medication to help and then somewhere between 15 and 20 lbs were lost. I felt good again, but this time no one said anything! Only those that knew I was working out said anything.

My weight loss has stabilized somewhere about 20-23 lbs and I feel great. My goal is about another 10-15, but I need to get back on the work-out train.