July Book List

Here's my readings for the month of July. I did really well for the first few weeks, but got bogged down with other things towards the end so I didn't get as much read as I would have liked. However, I did read 2154 pages total!

Without further ado:
The Girl Who Chased the Moon (269) by Sarah Addison Allen
The Sugar Queen (275) by Sarah Addison Allen
Faith: A Novel (318) by Jennifer Haigh
Black Heels to Tractor Wheels (319) by Ree Drummond (The Pioneer Woman)
The Lost Quilter (337) by Jennifer Chiaverini
32 Candles: A Novel (335) by Ernessa T. Carter
The Day the Falls Stood Still (301) by Cathy Marie Buchanan

Only one (The Lost Quilter) was a re-read this month. I will say that I cannot pick a favorite this month! I loved both of the Sarah Addison Allen books and haven't found one written by her I haven't liked yet. She writes stories of Southern towns that are full of whimsy and mystery. I also finally got around to reading the Pioneer Woman's true story of romance, which was also so endearing. Happy reading!

Also this was a special post for me. If you can figure out why I might just put something in the mail for you!

Things are better

Sorry about the emo post earlier this week. Although I'm loving the changes in job and location, I'm continuing to deal with some of my other issues. For instance, I've long struggled with self-esteem and never feeling like being myself is enough. Yes, in many ways I'm a perfectionist, which is interesting to me because neither of my parents are one. I think that many times I want to be the best, but after all my trying and striving, I fall short even though I still do well.

I'm really trying to let my heart be bare and open here and not the "perfect" blog girl. I've written about it before, but I've struggled with my weight for a long time, as in most of my life. I continue to struggle as I have metabolism issues (PCOS if you want to be specific). Right now I want to date but I don't feel pretty, just fat. It doesn't help that when I calculate by BMI I fall into the obese category. It's weird to me that I can wear medium sized clothing but still be obese.

Since I started my new job, my co-workers have been very open about complimenting me about appearance-related things. I've never experienced this before and that's part of the reason my emotions are in turmoil. Part of me thinks I won't ever believe them until a guy (that I'm interested in) says the same. I know this is wrong, but it's the way my twisted mind works. Physical beauty isn't where it's all at and I know this but sometimes when you're passed over yet again by the guy you like, it wears on you.

Thanks for letting me pour out my heart. Know that I would appreciate prayers, good vibes, positive thoughts in this struggle.

My heart

This song is on my heart tonight. Don't feel bad/sorry for me as I know this too shall pass.

In love

...unfortunately not with a boy right now. Rather I'm really loving my new life. I love the city I'm living in, my duplex for the most part (neighbors suck sometimes), my job, everything. It's so refreshing after such a hard year in Mtown.

As much as I love where I'm at, I'm ready for a few things to change such as making friends my own age, finding a church, and of course falling in love for real.